It's Been A While!

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I'd do so. There really hasn't been a lot to post to be honest. I'm very happy in my new job and am enjoying a much lower stress level now that I'm right where I need to be. I've also met a wonderful new friend who's making things special for me. Life is good!

Changes

I decided it was about time I post something current, or delete this blog altogether. I titled this entry "Changes" because I feel that I am sort of at a crossroads right now. Lots of things seem to be changing for me in my life. Thanks to Jana for summing it all up for me: "Change is hard!"

While I admit I'm excited about the changes ahead, they also make me quite nervous, vulnerable, and in some cases sad. Not only are changes happening in my personal life where for one thing I think I may have finally found someone who is "for real," but things are changing in my professional life as well. For both of these to be happening at the same time is a source of some stress for me, as I do not handle change well. In fact, it SCARES me and makes me feel less than safe. I do know that God has made this promise:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

I admit that I have not embraced this promise much in the last 7 years. They have been hard years. I have doubted God and doubted His love for me, even though I knew what I had been taught all my life thanks to my parents who raised me in church....EVERY TIME the door was open. Divorce has a way of stripping you bare and making you question the goodness of God. What I've learned through all of this is that God is a big God, and He can handle and even welcomes our questions. As a child I was taught it was wrong to question God. I don't believe that anymore. He already knows what we are thinking anyway, so why not just tell Him the truth? Many times I've wondered "God, why did this have to happen to me?"

I also struggle with trust. Trusting other people is hard for me. There is one major reason for that, but the reason doesn't matter. To sum all this up, I have to TRUST that God has good things in store for me through these changes. I've prayed a lot about all of them, that God's will would be done and I would be in the center of it...right where I'm supposed to be. So for now, I'm clinging to that...that I'm right where I'm supposed to be!

Good things are to come! :)

Rough Week

It's been a rough week. Stress, sadness, disappointment, frustration....you name it and it's been in my face. I've felt especially lonely and low this week, but the words of my cousin's song "Always" have been like a balm to my soul:

"But I believe always, always,
My Saviour never fails.
Even when all hope is gone,
God knows our pain, and His promise remains:
I will be with you, always."

Check it out on youtube! He's the lead singer for Building 429 and writes and arranges all or most all of their music. Sorry, can't figure out how to post a link so you'll have to copy and paste!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIR3VfS_who

I promise it's well worth your five minutes!

10 Years Old Already???

Connor Braddock Schofield
4-2-99

Where have all the years gone? My sweet baby turns 10 this week, and I can hardly believe he's so grown up. He no longer enjoys the hugs and kisses from Mom like he used to and shrinks away when I try to give them. Where is the baby I held, rocked, sang to, loved, kissed, carried?
He's grown up before my eyes....and I love him more now than ever and much more than words can say. Happy Birthday Week, Connor! Mommy Loves You and Always Will!

Friends with little ones...treasure their babyhood. All too quickly it's gone and you're left with only the memories of tiny little feet, pudgy little noses, and wet little kisses. Oh yes, they're still there, but they get buried under all that "big boy" coolness and maturity. He's still my baby...and he'll always and forever be!

"I'll love you forever; I'll like you for always. As long as you're living, my baby you'll be."

I love you Con-Bon,
Mommy

Good News!

I had my doctor's appointment today, and after feeling as if I had been fondled by everyone at Baylor I did get a good report. The lump showed up on mammogram and they did ultrasound, but the conclusion of the doc was that it was most likely calcification and he didn't see anything that indicated cancer to him. He also stated he felt no need to "stick a needed in it!" Thank goodness! He told me to continue regular mammograms and to let them know if there was any change.

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Love to you all!

Spring Break Spoiler

This year Spring Break really stinks to put it bluntly. I keep reading all of the posts about people who are doing really wonderful things, and I'm feeling a bit jealous honestly! Katelyn got her wisdom teeth out on Friday, so I've been playing nurse all weekend. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that I am able to take care of her. It's been a very long time since I've done that. I just wish we were out doing something FUN. On a brighter note, being confined to the house has allowed us more time to talk together than we probably would have had otherwise.

The other "spring break spoiler" is the doctor's appointment that I'm dreading on Thursday. I'm so ready to get that one behind me. I've had to push this to the back of my mind for a month now, and I'm ready for some resolution. Please pray that the lump will be nothing and that the doc will send me away relieved. I think when you get referred to a surgical oncologist it tends to scare you to death, even when there's probably nothing to worry about. Thank you to those of you who have told me you've already been praying. I do appreciate you very much!

Prayer request (again)

But this time it's for me...I found a lump in my breast and my doc has referred me to a surgical oncologist at Baylor who specializes in breast cancer. My appointment is March 19th. They wanted me to come March 2nd, but that's the day before TAKS! I know it's probably nothing, but I also realize the importance of having it checked out. I do appreciate your remembering me in your prayers! Thanks so much!

Random, Empty Thoughts

I think I need to quit this blog thing....all my friends (I think) have such interesting things to post, and then there's my blank slate! I'm not sure anyone reads anyway! TAKS is in two weeks...I'm stressed. Connor is coughing and sounds terrible. After his flu bout last week, I'm hoping he doesn't get pneumonia! I miss Katelyn more than words can say. We talked a lot last semester, but this semester she's super busy and doesn't have as much time to chat. I realized how much that bothered me tonight when I read Sarah's blog! I found out a dear friend from my past has divorced and she's already remarried...as of yesterday. Wondering what I'm doing wrong? Maybe it's just not meant to be for me.

ENOUGH!

Update

My grandfather's surgery went well today. Thank you to those who cared enough to pray for him. They have told us it is most likely cancer but was caught early. I don't know what treatment will follow at this point. I'm just thankful he came through surgery okay!

Please Pray

Hey Friends,

My grandfather is having surgery on Tuesday morning for a tumor that they found in his bladder this week. He had quadruple bypass surgery 6 years ago and almost died, and since then we've been told his heart is too weak to survive any further surgeries. The urologist said there's no option here....the tumor must come out (whatever that means????). Anyway, they've warned us in very blunt terms of the seriousness of this surgery on Tuesday. He's 84 and has had a good life, but I'm still not ready to lose him. It's going to be hard to be at work Tuesday, but since I don't really have the time to take off I feel I must be. If something happens to him I'll need my days then.

Please pray that he'll come through surgery okay....or better yet, that God's will be done. If it's his time, pray my family will be able to accept that answer, too.

Thanks,
Stefanie

RTI

I was tired of looking at that last post, so I decided I just had to update even if I felt I really had nothing earth-shattering to say. Today, work was rough. The new RTI regulations are going to be the death of me. I had quite a breakdown today with the stress of it all. I think I need to get out of my classroom more. In 11 years of teaching, I've always guarded my lunchtime as precious and have taken that time to visit and bond with my colleagues. I've even preached to others about the virtues of "getting out of the classroom" even if just for a little bit. For some strange reason this year I've begun eating in my room and working through lunch. (Actually, I know the reason......)

Bad decision...not only am I more stressed, but I'm also more lonely. I don't feel as connected to my colleagues. I'm missing the comaraderie and support that comes from being with friends. I'm alone half the time when at home, so choosing to be so at work, too, is not very smart. My most recent goal for the new year is to get out of my shell and get back into life. Things will undoubtedly get better!

PaPaw

Today is my PaPaw's birthday, and also the 16th anniversary of his death. I looked hard for a picture of him to post, and was saddened to find I had none. That's one of the many ugly things about divorce...you sometimes lose some of your memories in pictures when that happens. I plan to do something about that!

Anyway, it's so hard to believe it's been 16 years. There are so many things I remember about him. He was a massive man...tall, big, and gruff, even though he mellowed greatly in his latter years. I can still see him in his Texaco shirt (he owned a Texaco station in Mt. Pleasant for years) sitting in his recliner and counting his wad of bills. I remember being so awed by that stack of money. I don't know if he didn't go to the bank everyday or what, but he always had a stack in that money clip! He was a survivor of the Great Depression, though, and didn't let go of it too easily.

I can remember going with him to the farm to feed the cows, feed the catfish in his stocked ponds, and work in his garden. I spent the night with them every Friday night and stayed all day on Saturday, and he was always busy working around the place or at the station. He didn't tolerate any nonsense though, and when he spoke you jumped! :)

So many memories.....seems like just yesterday. Rest in Peace, PaPaw! I love you!